I'm feeling sick, sick, sick about it. I see my OB/GYN tomorrow but I've known about the lump for 3 weeks. I've been trying to not think about it but it isn't in my nature.
This isn't my first lump. I was 12, I think, when I had a fibroadenoma removed. All I want is for this to be a cyst. I just don't want to deal with anything else. Our family has been through enough and way more than enough so now is supposed to be our happy time. I'm even planning our first family vacation and Jeff's and my first vacation since we drove to Las Vegas in 2002 (big shout out to the Penrose Inn in Sedona, Arizona).
As if tomorrow's appointment won't be unpleasant enough - I have to talk about my lack of weight loss and the possibility of not having any more children due to riskiness with blood clots, a child born with a serious heart defect and the effects of both of those and more on my family's happiness and the fact that we just can't risk the happiness anymore.
So, I am feeling sorry for myself. It is my blog so I know I can do it. Sorry to bring you down with me.
Let's see... happy thoughts... That tulip pictured is from my garden. Spring is in full bloom here and I have some very pregnant tulips who just can't wait to bust open with their many layers. I'm sitting in on Aidan's preschool class today! I sewed a Cars themed bunting for Aidan's 5th birthday (five?! uh-oh--depression is creeping back in again). The sun is shining today and my life is so much better than it was two years ago. And now I feel down again because I don't want anything to go away.